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BEN Television is the first ethnic satellite television in Europe and the World at large. We’ll assume you’re ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. 101 XP10tacle Studios Belgium10tons11 bit studios11 bit studios S. I will wait for her in the yard that Maggie and I made so clean and wavy yesterday afternoon. A yard like this is more comfortable than most people know.

It is not just a yard. It is like an extended living room. When the hard clay is swept clean as a floor and the fine sand around the edges lined with tiny, irregular grooves, anyone can come and sit and look up into the elm tree and wait for the breezes that never come inside the house. Maggie will be nervous until after her sister goes: she will stand hopelessly in corners, homely and ashamed of the burn scars down her arms and legs, eying her sister with a mixture of envy and awe. She thinks her sister has held life always in the palm of one hand, that “no” is a word the world never learned to say to her. You’ve no doubt seen those TV shows where the child who has “made it” is confronted, as a surprise, by her own mother and father, tottering in weakly from backstage. A pleasant surprise, of course: What would they do if parent and child came on the show only to curse out and insult each other?

On TV mother and child embrace and smile into each other’s faces. Sometimes I dream a dream in which Dee and I are suddenly brought together on a TV program of this sort. Out of a dark and soft. I am ushered into a bright room filled with many people. There I meet a smiling, gray, sporty man like Johnny Carson who shakes my hand and tells me what a fine girl I have.

Then we are on the stage and Dee is embracing me with tears in her eyes. In real life I am a large, big. In the winter I wear flannel nightgowns to bed and overalls dur. I can kill and clean a hog as mercilessly as a man. My fat keeps me hot in zero weather. I can eat pork liver cooked over the open fire minutes after it comes steaming from the hog.

I know even before I wake up. Who ever knew a Johnson with a quick tongue? Who can even imagine me looking a strange white man in the eye? It seems to me I have talked to them always with one foot raised in flight, with my head fumed in whichever way is farthest from them.