Please forward this error screen to hawk. Enter the characters you see below Sorry, we just need to true spark online sure you’re not a robot. Why Do We Like People Who Are Similar to Us?
Enter the terms you wish to search for. Why the Spark Fades in a Relationship What prompts the shift from helpless love to deep disinterest? Some chalk it up to evolved differences, a slow growing apart, or sheer familiarity. Growing up I was terrified of being alone, but I also knew that I was afraid of being close to another person. The state of physical closeness and emotional distance is what characterizes a fantasy bond. This bond is formed when sincere feelings of love, respect, and attraction are replaced with imaginings of security, connectedness and protection. People who engage in a fantasy bond value routine over spontaneity and safety over passion.
They go through the motions of being together or involved but without bringing the energy, independence, and affection that once colored their relationship. Fantasy bonds exist on a continuum. Some couples are deeper into fantasy than others. Most people fluctuate between moments of being truly close and moments of substituting fantasy for real love. By recognizing the degree to which you engage in a fantasy connection as opposed to a sincere form of relating, you can challenge negative habits and patterns, and experience new and exciting stages of your relationship.
Loss of Physical Attraction – When we form a fantasy of fusion with another person, we tend to eventually lose some of our physical attraction to that person. Relying on someone to take care of us or looking to them to complete us puts a heavy burden on our relationship. When you look at your relationship, can you recognize ways you and your partner step on each other’s boundaries? Maintaining our separateness and pursuing what particularly lights us up is the best way to be ourselves in our relationships.
When we reach a level of comfort in a relationship, we may tend to care a little less about how we look and how we take care of ourselves. We may be more likely to act out without regard or consideration for the ways we not only hurt our partners but ourselves. We may gain weight or engage in unhealthy habits, drinking more or exercising less. These habits aren’t just acts of comfort. Early on in our relationships, we are often our most open, excited to try new things and share new adventures.
As we fall into routine, we often resist novel experiences. We become more cynical, skeptical, and less willing to do things with our partners. It is important to take our partner’s passions and interests into account and to engage in activities that we really share. Love doesn’t exist in a vacuum. When you do take the time to relate to your partner, do you still talk about anything meaningful?
Have conversations become more practical or less friendly? It’s important to be open and share our lives with those we love. In doing so, we really get to know them. We feel for them as people, independently from ourselves.
This helps us to stay close to each other on a real level as opposed to out of obligation. When we are with someone for a long time, we tend to catalog their negative traits and build a case against them that leads us to feel cynical. Try to notice if you’re harboring anger or resentment. Are you acting this out in subtle ways?
When we fail to do this, our emotional connection to a person can fade, and all we are left with is the form that makes up a fantasy bond. Reigniting our relationships can be as simple as carrying out those small, caring acts that make our partners feel acknowledged and loved for who they are. Taking steps each day to counter these habitual patterns leads us down a path that is much more fulfilling, much braver, and much more real. Firestone hit the nail on the head! Time and familiarity can breed contempt.